God.

Today was truly an amazing day.. I went to church and was able to worship more than I had been able to in a long time.

To kind of rewind back, Theresa and I sat up last night discussing God's will and how to determine it for your life. Before I laid in bed, I knelt by the window and pretty much submitted myself to God in the midst of these confusing circumstances. You know, one of those times where you and God just "do business." It was great. Matter of fact, the feeling I had was so very similar to the situation that got me writing this blog in the first place.

..So back to sunday morning. After service, I went upstairs to teach sunday school/Fuel, and I knew that I was unprepared because we had spent the night at Theresa's house and I forgot my lesson cd. "*Gasp!*" Yeah, God definitely uses me inspite of myself.

So anyway, I found out that Dan was sick or something and it turned out that there were about 26 guys total that were going to be in my class. But for some strange reason, when Todd relayed this info, I was not fazed about this. I just knew I was supposed to teach them. So Todd and I went into the room where Dan normally teaches and we packed it out. What happened next gets classified under "Holy Spirit moments." God gave me such a passion for teaching these guys the incredible life-changing truths about the death of Jesus. Why He had to die. What it means to us right here, right now.

Todd was a huge help keeping these guys in line. I almost want to consider bringing a nightstick next week, because 6-8th grade guys can get wild. :D But it went incredible, and God gave me the boldness that I needed to demand their attention and He spoke through me.

It was one of those moments that don't come very often, but they blow me away, and I always think, "I know this is what I want to be doing for the rest of my life." God once again confirms that He has called me to ministry.

Now the side effects are getting dangerous- I can't get enough of the Bible. Prayer is beating out other things for the top priority.

This whole thing about following Jesus can really wreck your life. In a good way.

I had to stay home with Bekah yesterday. She has been battling this whole fever/pinkeye thing for about a week now. It was great to spend a day with her. I really don't get many full days to do that. Another highlight of the day was her dropping a glass salad dressing bottle on my big toe- I wanted to scream bad things at a high volume! But overall it was a good day.

Back at the good 'ol cell phone store today, and lets just say that people are very interesting. I believe that some people are either looking for a reason to cancel their cell phone service and switch carriers or are mad about some situation we can't control and want to hurt us the only way they know how. I am all about giving people the benefit of the doubt- even to the point that people criticize me sometimes. But that's what God does with us ALL the time- He is patient with us and sees us not as we are but as we will be.

More and more I'm seeing my heart's not here at this job. Yes, helping people is very satisfying but I want more. You see, helping people decide on a cell phone is not the most important thing. Helping people to know God in a personal, life-changing way is what I want to be doing. And some will say "You can do that at work." But my job is different. I can love people like Jesus does, but I am not able to share my faith on the job with customers unless they bring it up. Work consumes so much of my life and I feel like I'm wasting time I could be spending with my family and my friends and more importantly making a difference in this messed up world.

God has been dealing with me this week about ministry, mainly what I need to work on I guess. Looking in the book of Titus there are qualificiations for ministry, and I think I need to post those on my mirror and look at them everyday and beg God to change me. I know that no one can perfectly exemplify these characteristics. I guess I can say that without God changing me, ministry is not an option. But dependence on God is not a bad thing.

back in the saddle again

Wow, great title. Coincidentally, there's an Aerosmith song with the same title that's probably referring to drug use. The reason I use it is that I'm finally back playing in H2O. YEAH!! ..that being said, last night went okay. I realized something that should have been obvious: not playing guitar (except for Guitar Hero) for a month is not good for your hands. My fingers felt like they were going to fall off during practice! Next week we're going to introduce some new songs, which is great because in my opinion we have been using the same material for at LEAST six months. It is great to be back.

Last night, when we were playing "Marvelous Light" I realized something about the song that I hadn't thought about before. Running into marvelous light takes a while for your eyes to adust because you're used to a much darker environment. Maybe that's why everything isn't so clear to us. Maybe that's why we can't see our way sometimes. We're hanging on to the past and our old selves.

This article is called "How Jesus Messed up My Life." Great article.
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god_article.php?id=7107

Ouch

I'm kinda stiff and sore today from Saturday. Mike Stewart and I leveled out my Dad's driveway. It was 7 hours of labor. Well, not all 7 hours, but I know the part where I had to rake rocks kicked my butt. I know you're saying, "But you're in such good shape!" ...okay, maybe you're NOT saying that. It was pretty good fun, and we got the entire driveway done (it is huge).

I learned many things that day, including how a diesel engine works, how to pull a car with a tractor, what a "third arm" is, and many other interesting tidbits that will one day catapult me to Jeopardy stardom. But I also learned something about vision and about perseverence.

When Mike made the first pass with the boxblade, my reaction was, "this looks worse than when we started!". It began to rain/sleet, and I was wanting to call it a day. But little by little, everything came together, and at the end, I was amazed at the results.

Vision produces action. Vision produces perseverence.

The reason I was getting impatient and discouraged was that I was losing sight of what the end result was going to be and was focusing on the present, namely that my arms felt like they were going to fall off. I didn't ask, but I could almost guarantee that Mike was focusing on the end result.

Let's go deeper- how many times as Christians, as followers of Jesus, we lose sight of the big picture because we're caught up in the present? We whine and complain about our circumstances instead of trusting that God has our spiritual maturity in mind. We slow down and disengage as a church because we're "waiting for the new pastor" and forget that we are not excused from doing what God has already said to do in the Bible- teach, reach, disciple, etc. God has really dealt with me on this. This is here in my blog because I see it happening. But I also believe that there is a small bit of truth in why things have slowed down. Sometimes pastors help us to catch the vision of what God is doing. Look at Proverbs 29:18:

18 If people can't see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves;But when they attend to what he reveals, they are most blessed.

So let's take a hard look at ourselves. Let's take action.

Strange

I'm feeling kind of strange. Not sick to my stomach, but a little anxious. It's almost like all of the circumstances in my life are about to come together for an incredible thing, but I can't be 100% sure. Hindsight's 20/20 but I can't see my hand in front of my face. I feel like my whole life's a conspiracy, like God has intentionally shaped me from the beginning, and I am still being affected by things He has been bringing my way. It's like the smell of rain and the sounds of distant thunder before a storm. I'm having to continually remind myself that God is in control and I am not. I have a genuine passion for seeing lives changed by the Gospel, and it seems to be growing. And at the same time, I am nearly overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy and that I know so little compared to how much there is to know about living a life that pleases God. The "don't's" are mostly obvious, but the "do's" are not so clearly marked. Bottom line: I am in a position where I have no other choice but to trust God and wait on Him.

Good place to be, I guess.

I'm proud to report that my Dad made it safely to Sicily, but his bags are another story. They're on their way from Fort Lauderdale FL. Gotta love the transportation industry.

It's amazing how God has provided for me this week, scheduling my Dad's departure the same week my Mom was here from out of town. It's no accident. God is awesome. We're going to eat a thanksgiving-style dinner tonight, which makes me happy. It's a good ol' fashioned Yankee thanksgiving too- not any of that inferior cornbread dressing. Bekah has cheered me up many times this week too. I know I'm repeating myself, but I am amazed as I am typing this how God worked all of this out.

I've been there before, and I have come to it again- what is God's will for my life, and how do I determine it? Certainly, passively moving through life and accepting my circumstances is laziness, but on the flipside, I don't want to be doing things in my own strength without trusting God and waiting on Him. Plus, this question has got to be hard for anyone to answer exactly, because God doesn't work in everyone's life the same way He works in mine.

..so for now, I'll pray and read the Bible. 'Nuff said.

Well, as of 9:10 this morning, my Dad has been on his way to Sicily for three years. Still seems unreal. I know I'm going to be emotional about it, but I really haven't yet. I have this weird mechanism that kicks in when I face situations like this where I just go emotionally numb instead of experiencing the pain that I know is there. I wasn't always aware of this, so I guess it's at least a good thing that I notice it. Life has gone back to "normal" but I can't help but wonder what these three years are for, and what God has brought him over there to do, and what He will do in our lives here because my Dad's not here. A while ago my Dad and I were talking about how this would be a perfect time for God to call me to ministry somewhere, since it would be one less thing holding me to this area. The possibilities are exciting and limitless, but the question I have to ask myself is, "What am I going to do now while I wait?" I don't really know the full answer to that yet, besides the obvious. I will say one thing- this whole situation has driven me to God's Word with new questions and great expectations. Anything less would be presenting a small picture of our awesome God. So pray for me, because this is a trying time. But also be excited, because I can't wait for what God has in store.

This week is going to be a growing experience. My Dad is going to be leaving Thursday morning for Italy for 3 years. Him and I have been super close ever since he got saved. I am going to miss him so much, and I know that this whole situation is a tremendous blessing because of all of the long-term benefits, but still I find myself moving back and forth from sadness to emotional numbness, one of the ways I cope with tough situations. It almost feels unreal but I know it is. The cool things that will come out of this situation that I know right now are:

1. My Dad's going into the GS (government service) system, where he can buy back the 13 1/2 years he spent in the army and retire earlier.
2. By the time they get back (Theresa is leaving in a month or so i guess) they will be completely out of debt.
3. Theresa doesn't have to work. This will allow her to serve in the local youth ministry on base there.
4. When they get back, Bekah will be just about ready for school and Theresa will be able to homeschool her (she is our #1 choice for a great Christ-centered education)!
5. Possible vacation in Italy this year!

I'm sure there's other stuff that will surface that God will do over this time. We will all probably grow a lot closer. My Dad and I will be meeting online via Everquest 2 at least once a week.

I'm having a hard time with my Dad leaving, but I am excited about what God has in store for all of us these next few years.

My new year's weekend was comical to say the least. My wife and I drove to her parents' house for the weekend on Friday night. We do our Christmas with them every year on new year's weekend. Last year I was disappointed with the fireworks I purchased so I determined that this year I would do better. I spent about 16 bucks, which can buy you a whole lot of stuff if you do it right. Well let's just say this year was worst than last year, because at least 85% of the stuff I bought emitted smoke. I wanted to buy those little balls that spark different colors when you light them, but I bought smoke balls by mistake. I bought smoke grenades (on purpose). When I was about to leave they gave me some free smoke rockets. So I was thinking, "Oh cool, you light it and it shoots up into the air and shoots smoke everywhere. WRONG. The stupid thing just sticks in the ground and pours out smoke. The smoke was so bad that my wife's asthma threatened to act up so she had to vacate the area. It gets better. I bought this 10 pack of roman candles for 5 bucks, and I guess I got what I paid for, because my hair almost caught on fire one time and had to dodge the projectiles numerous times because the wind was blowing against us. On the upside, my father-in-law and my brother and sister in law were cracking up watching this whole episode, so it was cool that God used a frustrating situation to create so much laughter and bring us all closer together.

I also finished reading Velvet Elvis while I was there. I don't believe I will ever be the same. It's a wonderful, thought-provoking book. Now some people I know have opinions about this book, but I am not done yet. I am going to re-read the book with a Bible and a Bible commentary and study for myself the references that Rob Bell presents as evidence for his worldview. I don't agree with 100% of the book but I am committed to studying and praying about the content. Even if this book turned out to be 100% crap then at least it served the purpose of creating a hunger in me to study the Bible and also to take a hard look at myself for the ways I act sometimes and look at the underlying issues. Anyone who has read this book I more than welcome discussion, because one point I do agree with in this book is that the Bible is meant to be read in a group environment.

Its weird that 07 is already here. I want to read at least 40 books this year. I also want to become an active part of making this world a better place. More than that, I want to know God better and grow.