Haven't posted in a few days. Work can be frustrating sometimes. Not that I don't like my job, I do, because I get to help people everyday. It's just that retail is a 24-7 job. Like having to work when you're supposed to be playing in the worship band. *sigh*. Let me end my tirade there. God is awesome and in control, whether I'm in a good mood or not. That is comforting.

One of the things I'm learning (or rather God is teaching) is where to draw the line on certain issues, avoiding both legalism and hedonism and trying to find the "happy medium." Wherever that is, I'm not sure yet. But I refuse to stop and ask for directions. No seriously, I'm praying that God will show me through His word and through other circumstances.

I turned 24 yesterday. And what a day it was. I am absolutely blown away about how awesome and incredible God is and how much He has blessed me- way beyond what I deserve.

I spent the whole day with my beautiful wife. It was great to have some alone time, and if you have kids, you'll understand. I slept in until 8am, which is sleeping in for me, since most mornings I'm up between 5 and 6am. Ate lunch at Chik-Fil-A, which made me very happy. Brooke bought me the coolest thing ever to hit the DDR universe- it's called Dance Factory, and you can dance to your own CD's, which I love because I can enjoy the recreational and entertainment qualities of DDR without compromising and listening to secular music. My Dad and Theresa also surprised us with a computer, something we have been needing a long time. In case you're wondering, I post these blogs from work in my down time.

But as aforementioned, God has allowed these circumstances to create an attitude of reflection and evaluation and I have a long way to go. I am excited because God's not done with me yet.

Tommorrow is my birthday. 24. Wow. I could almost be Jack Bauer. Yeah I know, terrible joke. I'm reflecting a lot about my life and basically, I am nowhere close to where I want to be. God has already revealed my purpose and future as husband, father, and pastor, but He has yet to fill in the rest of the details. So I watch and wait and God has continually chastened me for my idiocy and rebellious ways. But I am closer to God than I have been any other year. Not because of personal effort, but because of the character building God has been doing through hardships in my life. A few of the previously rough edges are smoother, but most are still jagged. I am a little bit wiser I guess. This is really a humbling experience. Not really a valley, but somewhere between the valley and the mountain. I thank God for the painfully real perspective and know that it will produce some changes. I can't imagine what lost people hang on to when things get hectic around them. What a hope we have in Jesus.
Sorry this has been rambling, but I am so tired right now I could go to sleep on my countertop here at work. Been a long few days.

Boy, I'm terrible with this whole blog thing. Been a whole week since the last one.

Last night was really weird. Pretty typical day, as far as the events. I was extra "industrious" yesterday, and I got a whole lot accomplished at work like cleaning the store and getting boxes ready to ship. So I was a little more tired, but business as usual. But right around 9pm, Brooke said she was having anxiety and didn't know why, and I did too. Now as a side note, anxiety is something I deal with on a daily basis sometimes, but medicine helps somewhat. It's a long story. It's my testimony. Anyway I digress. So I was just thinking it was a regular anxiety attack with no real reason behind it, but since BOTH of us had it, I stronglyl believe that God was trying to tell us something. Well we called family and friends to see if everyone was ok, and I prayed about it and read the Bible and re-read some parts of "How To Hear From God" by Charles Stanley. Well I was laying down on my stomach on our bed doing this, and I fell asleep (long day.) Well it pretty much went away for both of us by then. So we're totally clueless as to what that's about. Maybe it was a demonic attack. But I strongly believe that God was trying to tell us something. I still feel a bit of it today, and I'm not sure if it's the God-given anxiety or just plain ol'anxiety about the anxiety I had last night. Wow, that was an interesting sentence. I can say that I personally got something out of that. I really sought after God, and you can't leave God's presence unchanged. So I feel this peace and this anxiety at the same time. I promise I'm not schizophrenic. But God is awesome.

Charles Stanley says in that book I was reading that when God was about to tell him something, God would give him a restless spirit to make him seek Him. Maybe that's it. I'm excited about the great God we serve and the incredible huge plans he has for our lives. Not because we're anything big or special but because God is incredible.

God is worthy.

Another standalone phrase to summarize this post. This is the #1 reason we as Christians need to serve whole-heartedly, love like we mean it, and give our lives to others to make a spiritual investment.

I write this in a moment of humility. Today I started thinking about how incredible God is and how wretched we are (I am). I'm glad I am having one of these moments, because it's been a while. I guess you can call it losing focus. You know how when you stare at an object in the foreground, everything else blurs, and when you stare at an object in the background, everything in the foreground blurs? Try it- it's a perfect illustration of an incredible spiritual principle:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

It's true! The more we look at our daily circumstances and consume ourselves with them, the more our spiritual life becomes distant/blurry. Conversely, the more we look at Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, completely omnipotent and sovereign over all things, the more our daily circumstances dim and become secondary to what's really important:
GOD IS WORTHY. HE DESERVES EVERYTHING WE HAVE.
(and so much more.)

Truly, no true happiness can be found without being in a personal, intimate relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ and being in the center of His will. Not that I stay there, or that I've been there a lot, but I know at least this moment I am there. Describing it is beyond words.

I am tired.

Thought I'd let that statement stand by itself. It is the ringing theme for the morning. Either that or, "I'm all cracked out on coca-cola." Now you see why I chose the former.

Anyway, we stayed open late last night to try to make quota. I got home about 10:45 and went straight to bed. It almost feels like I haven't even left work. We might not have made quota, but I think God is showing me something about follow-through. I was determined to make a strong effort, and even when I wanted to go home, I stayed because at least I could say our failure to make quota wasn't due to a lack of effort on our part. I guess it's part of being "a cut above" as a Christian too. Too often we see lost people working harder than God's people. I'm pointing the finger at myself too. We take the concept of God taking care of all our needs and then we run all the way with it, becoming inactive/lazy/etc. And I'm NOT tooting my own horn here. This is here for me to read from time to time too. Just something I think God is showing me.

The Christian life is interesting. It doesn't depend on feelings. It doesn't run on personal energy/stamina. To lead is to serve everyone. The prescribed method for revenge is kindness. Personal effort does not increase or decrease one's standing with God. What an exciting mystery. I look forward to figuring this out for however long God has me here on this earth.